Torn

I am torn between two things right now. I recently met a very kick ass chick and I like her but part of me feels she could be my kryptonite. I usually follow my gut feeling but my gut tells me nothing on the matter. I feel I should go after her. While at the sametime I feel I shouldn't in the feeling that she will be bad for me.
Which part of me do I listen to because I can't do both and I am scared to do either of them. I think people run into this problem with something in their lives. I have a few times in different areas of life.

Should I stay or should I go is the scenario right now. I am at a loss for what is better for myself. I know I can take punishment. I also know that I don't like taking or dealing it. It hurts deep inside me when it happens, like there is a part of me that knows what I am doing is stupid and hurting me more than I know.
Its been said its a good thing to start what you finish, yet I find myself stranded and lost not knowing what I've actually started or whats been finished.

Its a trial by error. I think the thing to do in this situation is to just go for it. Jump and see if I fall.

Playing nice.

With seconds left in the Civil War yesterday, I teared up a little.I havent missed much of any game. I went to the Arizona game and cheered my ass off.  I also feed some of the players at work. I feel like I have done my part supporting the football team, weather that actually helped them out or not is another story. But they are most likely on their way to the National Championship Title Game. I think I should be overcome with joy, yet I find myself a miserable mess.

It started a few weeks back around my birthday when I started to realize somethings happening in my life that were getting the better of me. There was this one woman that I, for some reason have a thing for, invited over to hang out. We dated around my birthday last year and she ended up dumping me on my birthday. Nice gift huh? I really liked her and she said the same. So we remained friends.

She had a boyfriend not too long after we broke up and I was all cool with that. People need to see what's out there, right? They had problems and who did she come to? Me. I will go as far as saying I love this woman as a friend and more. They ended up dating off and on for about five or six months and then she was sort of back onto me again.

I had been through a lot of shit due to being the 'nice guy'. Her best friend tells her that she isn't going to find a guy like me anywhere. I think she is awesome. But back to the reason I started this. She ended up going to Spain for a month and then traveling Europe for another two after that. While she was gone she started to talk about us being a good match and that when she got back that it was all go between us.

She returned home almost two weeks early and only told me that she was coming home early and that I would hear from her at some point. It was like three or four days after she got back that I saw her. It wasn't a good meeting. We hung out on my birthday once again and she proceeded to tell me that she wasn't interested in dating anyone since before she went overseas. I hate being lied to. Which of those was a lie not wanting to date or or us trying after she got back?

I ended up telling her that I couldn't play whatever game she was wanting to play and that I don't want to be around her. I wanted to end every aspect of the friendship and she kind of has a problem with that it seems. She has text me and wants to hang out but is always busy. I have ended up offering my free time to her four times this week and still always busy. This is where I start to get angry. I don't have to offer up my time to her because SHE wants to hang out but I am a nice guy and try to be accommodating with people. It seems the only free time she has is conveniently when I actually have plans.

I guess my problem is realizing that nice guys really do finish last. I try to live life with the idea of doing unto others as I want done to me. I try to treat everyone nice. I know I have my times where I can be an ass, but who doesn't? Its just something that I thought was a fools tale I saw in movies and magazines, but the real world has proved it right in my case.

Will being an ass most of the time change the outcome of things in my life? Not just in relationships, but EVERYTHING! It's not something I will ever do because that is not me, but I think about how much different my life would have been if I were an asshole.

I will just continue being the nice guy I try to be.