I am torn between two things right now. I recently met a very kick ass chick and I like her but part of me feels she could be my kryptonite. I usually follow my gut feeling but my gut tells me nothing on the matter. I feel I should go after her. While at the sametime I feel I shouldn't in the feeling that she will be bad for me.
Which part of me do I listen to because I can't do both and I am scared to do either of them. I think people run into this problem with something in their lives. I have a few times in different areas of life.
Should I stay or should I go is the scenario right now. I am at a loss for what is better for myself. I know I can take punishment. I also know that I don't like taking or dealing it. It hurts deep inside me when it happens, like there is a part of me that knows what I am doing is stupid and hurting me more than I know.
Its been said its a good thing to start what you finish, yet I find myself stranded and lost not knowing what I've actually started or whats been finished.
Its a trial by error. I think the thing to do in this situation is to just go for it. Jump and see if I fall.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Playing nice.
With seconds left in the Civil War yesterday, I teared up a little.I havent missed much of any game. I went to the Arizona game and cheered my ass off. I also feed some of the players at work. I feel like I have done my part supporting the football team, weather that actually helped them out or not is another story. But they are most likely on their way to the National Championship Title Game. I think I should be overcome with joy, yet I find myself a miserable mess.
It started a few weeks back around my birthday when I started to realize somethings happening in my life that were getting the better of me. There was this one woman that I, for some reason have a thing for, invited over to hang out. We dated around my birthday last year and she ended up dumping me on my birthday. Nice gift huh? I really liked her and she said the same. So we remained friends.
She had a boyfriend not too long after we broke up and I was all cool with that. People need to see what's out there, right? They had problems and who did she come to? Me. I will go as far as saying I love this woman as a friend and more. They ended up dating off and on for about five or six months and then she was sort of back onto me again.
I had been through a lot of shit due to being the 'nice guy'. Her best friend tells her that she isn't going to find a guy like me anywhere. I think she is awesome. But back to the reason I started this. She ended up going to Spain for a month and then traveling Europe for another two after that. While she was gone she started to talk about us being a good match and that when she got back that it was all go between us.
She returned home almost two weeks early and only told me that she was coming home early and that I would hear from her at some point. It was like three or four days after she got back that I saw her. It wasn't a good meeting. We hung out on my birthday once again and she proceeded to tell me that she wasn't interested in dating anyone since before she went overseas. I hate being lied to. Which of those was a lie not wanting to date or or us trying after she got back?
I ended up telling her that I couldn't play whatever game she was wanting to play and that I don't want to be around her. I wanted to end every aspect of the friendship and she kind of has a problem with that it seems. She has text me and wants to hang out but is always busy. I have ended up offering my free time to her four times this week and still always busy. This is where I start to get angry. I don't have to offer up my time to her because SHE wants to hang out but I am a nice guy and try to be accommodating with people. It seems the only free time she has is conveniently when I actually have plans.
I guess my problem is realizing that nice guys really do finish last. I try to live life with the idea of doing unto others as I want done to me. I try to treat everyone nice. I know I have my times where I can be an ass, but who doesn't? Its just something that I thought was a fools tale I saw in movies and magazines, but the real world has proved it right in my case.
Will being an ass most of the time change the outcome of things in my life? Not just in relationships, but EVERYTHING! It's not something I will ever do because that is not me, but I think about how much different my life would have been if I were an asshole.
I will just continue being the nice guy I try to be.
It started a few weeks back around my birthday when I started to realize somethings happening in my life that were getting the better of me. There was this one woman that I, for some reason have a thing for, invited over to hang out. We dated around my birthday last year and she ended up dumping me on my birthday. Nice gift huh? I really liked her and she said the same. So we remained friends.
She had a boyfriend not too long after we broke up and I was all cool with that. People need to see what's out there, right? They had problems and who did she come to? Me. I will go as far as saying I love this woman as a friend and more. They ended up dating off and on for about five or six months and then she was sort of back onto me again.
I had been through a lot of shit due to being the 'nice guy'. Her best friend tells her that she isn't going to find a guy like me anywhere. I think she is awesome. But back to the reason I started this. She ended up going to Spain for a month and then traveling Europe for another two after that. While she was gone she started to talk about us being a good match and that when she got back that it was all go between us.
She returned home almost two weeks early and only told me that she was coming home early and that I would hear from her at some point. It was like three or four days after she got back that I saw her. It wasn't a good meeting. We hung out on my birthday once again and she proceeded to tell me that she wasn't interested in dating anyone since before she went overseas. I hate being lied to. Which of those was a lie not wanting to date or or us trying after she got back?
I ended up telling her that I couldn't play whatever game she was wanting to play and that I don't want to be around her. I wanted to end every aspect of the friendship and she kind of has a problem with that it seems. She has text me and wants to hang out but is always busy. I have ended up offering my free time to her four times this week and still always busy. This is where I start to get angry. I don't have to offer up my time to her because SHE wants to hang out but I am a nice guy and try to be accommodating with people. It seems the only free time she has is conveniently when I actually have plans.
I guess my problem is realizing that nice guys really do finish last. I try to live life with the idea of doing unto others as I want done to me. I try to treat everyone nice. I know I have my times where I can be an ass, but who doesn't? Its just something that I thought was a fools tale I saw in movies and magazines, but the real world has proved it right in my case.
Will being an ass most of the time change the outcome of things in my life? Not just in relationships, but EVERYTHING! It's not something I will ever do because that is not me, but I think about how much different my life would have been if I were an asshole.
I will just continue being the nice guy I try to be.
Monday, November 22, 2010
FOOTBALL RIGHT NOW. I MEAN SERIOUSLY.....UGH!!!
I can't watch espn today..They are bashing on the Brett a little too much. I know he may be playing bad but he isnt the worst QB this season. ITS NOT FUCKING OVER YET! At the end of the season watch where they are and if he still throws a million interceptions a game then yes. He may have been the worst QB of the season. He's also fucking in his 40's and been in the NFL for 20 seasons. He also threw for 446 a few games back. That is a fucking record for him. That was amazing!
I mean Look at Tony Romo. UH....He fucking sucks. He doesn't have that Leader look about him. Maybe it's his ears or maybe its the actress/singer girlfriends that distract him from the game. Defense plays alright and the Offense doesn't keep up. Tony is the one who is supposed to lead them to victory. I am not saying that Romo is the worst either. Just an example to show that people are just plain bad.
I may just be getting angry because thats all they are talking about and not showing other things as much. Like watching Around the Horn(love this show btw..) today, the majority of the fifteen minutes I was were on the Brad Childress/ Brett thing in Minnesota. I bet Pardon The Interruption had much to say about that too.
I mean Look at Tony Romo. UH....He fucking sucks. He doesn't have that Leader look about him. Maybe it's his ears or maybe its the actress/singer girlfriends that distract him from the game. Defense plays alright and the Offense doesn't keep up. Tony is the one who is supposed to lead them to victory. I am not saying that Romo is the worst either. Just an example to show that people are just plain bad.
I may just be getting angry because thats all they are talking about and not showing other things as much. Like watching Around the Horn(love this show btw..) today, the majority of the fifteen minutes I was were on the Brad Childress/ Brett thing in Minnesota. I bet Pardon The Interruption had much to say about that too.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
The Journal of Jack Marson
April 15th, 2004
I am Jack Marson a 35 year old, certified personal accountant at my brother in-laws firm. Everything was fine with life. I am married to my high school sweetheart, Ashley, have two children, and a well paying job. Everyday I wake up and it is the same routine. I get up. Then get the kids ready for school while getting myself ready for work. I drive Stephanie and Will to school on my way to work.
Stephanie and Will are the main reasons why I am still here, not here as with my wife, but here as in living. They bring the chaos to my life that I need to keep it interesting.
I love Ashley, don’t get me wrong, but life with us has become, I don’t know, boring. I have tried to bring that spark back between us but nothing seems to work, so I put my efforts that would go into my marriage into activities with my children. I am so close to the edge it isn’t even funny.
I started going to a psychiatrist to see if I need to be on some medication to help with this depression I seem to be plagued with and all he says I should do is talk with Ashley. No meds to ease the heartache. Maybe I should end all of this suffering.
I need to get away from this life for awhile. I talked to Ashley about taking sometime off of work and me going on the trip I have been planning on taking for awhile now. I told her that it would give me that fresh sense of not being stressed.
Three weeks ago I started planning how to go about my trip across this beautiful state of Oregon. Leaving Portland I went east towards The Dalles. So, this is where I am now, sitting here writing in this damn journal like I have been meaning to for years. I will keep this posted as I get around to it.
April 16th, 2004
So, I decided not to go where I was planning. I am such a spur of the moment kind of guy. I met up with some friends, Todd, his wife Leanne, their friends Daniel, his wife Gabby, and their kid Richard, heading to the Blue Mountains to go camping. I accepted the invitation and left my car in The Dalles. We headed east following the Columbia River to Pendleton, where we stopped for the night. We stayed in the Wild Horse resort and gambled in the casino there.
I called Ashley and talked with her for about an hour while staying about even at the video poker machine I as on. She didn’t have much to say, which made me upset. It felt as if this trip was making me lose my wife, but it was a trip I needed. What in the hell am I supposed to do? This is almost fucking impossible to figure out. I am going to go to sleep.
April 19th, 2004
I know it has been a while but I needed some time to think to myself without the feeling of being burdened, having to write my thoughts in you. The other night I had thoughts of ending my life somehow. The fear of losing Ashley, even though we aren’t like we used to be, scares me to death. I thought I had been right in feeling that I didn’t care any longer. I still love her.
Well on to what today had in store for me. Today was a good day in self discovery. We stopped in this podunk little town called Meacham and left with out gear. This group of five I was with, hiked for a day and set up camp. We stayed there for a day before heading out to a lake in the middle of nowhere.
Todd taught me something I had always wanted to learn. FISHING! This is something entirely new to me. I had no intention of ever having this much fun doing absolutely nothing at all. Just casting a line out into the water and letting the bobber sit in the water, moving with the motion of the water. The sound of the water splashing against the bank ever so gently was very relaxing. This is a place I have to remember. Well for now I am at an unnamed lake and I will sign off again. I must thank you; you are making me think about my life and the directions I want to take it. I am going to call Ashley before I head off to bed.
April 20th, 2004
Ashley and I had a long talk last night about how she was thinking about a trial separation. I wasn’t shocked at all. I told her some of the things that were on my mind since having been gone. I told her how much I loved her and the troubles I had been going through with myself, the thoughts of suicide and the depression, and we decided that when I get back that we needed to actually separate for awhile. My cell gave me that, "I’m dying" beep and I told her I must be going. I’m sorry it had to come to this I told her. It almost made me cry knowing how hurt she is from all this.
Our little excursion up into these mountains is coming to an end. I am ready to head back towards home, but not ready to go home yet. This trip has brought new insight into how I am failing in marriage and as a father. This is tiring me.
April 23rd, 2004
Home at last! Well at least in Portland. I will head home tomorrow after I get up. I need to go to my father’s grave and it’s too late to do it now. There are some things I must things I must talk with him about. .
There’s something about being caught in slow moving traffic for two hours on the Freeway that just pisses me off. This is me venting off some of the pent up anger. If I learned anything from that damn shrink it is this, "Learn to express yourself in a constructive manner as to not overcome yourself with your emotions." I have tried to call home twice today and no answer either time. Oh well, I’ll see them tomorrow since its Saturday and all.
April 24th, 2004
I made it home in one piece. Stephanie and Will were very happy to see me and hear all about my trip. I got them some souvenirs from Wild Horse on the way back. Ashley greeted me with a half-hearted smile and a barely there hug. I knew this was gonna be awkward.
We talked briefly about what problems we are having. She tells me that I am a workaholic and I tell her that I hate work. I hate working for Craig. He’s an asshole. Ashley won’t talk to me because she is afraid that I’ll react with negativity towards her ideas, I only listen and give input where needed, nothing more, nothing less. It felt good to actually talk to her tonight.
April 29th, 2004
Ashley seems to not care anymore. I am starting to believe that there is something driving us apart. I haven’t been able to put my finger on it yet but I have a feeling that I am getting very close. Could it be that she is cheating on me? Is she just scared of something? I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore? I am so sick and tired of everything that goes on in this house.
My relationship with my Stephanie and Will seems to be getting worse because of all the stress with Ashley and I not really talking and all that shit. It makes me wonder if there is something that she isn’t telling me. I am tired of all the tears that I see from my children, fearing for their mother like she isn’t going to be around much longer. It’s late and I have an early start in the morning.
April 30th, 2004
Marsha, Ashley’s best friend came into work and said something very odd to me as if I knew what was up with Ashley. She mentioned something about Hank. I came home only to find that Ashley had taken the kids to her moms a few hours early. I tried calling her only to get her voice mail. I am afraid something’s wrong with her. I am going to cut it here, I am stressing out to badly to think about anything.
May 1st, 2004
I’m leaving Ashley. We talked about what Marsha had to say yesterday and I decided that it was for the better to leave. I don’t care about losing my job at the firm or that her parents bad mouthing me to my kids. I just need to do what is best for Jack Marson. A wise woman once told me, "The key to happiness is not worrying about making others happy until find happy yourself." This is going to be my last journal entry for awhile, for I feel that you have helped me accomplish something.
Good-bye journal.
I am Jack Marson a 35 year old, certified personal accountant at my brother in-laws firm. Everything was fine with life. I am married to my high school sweetheart, Ashley, have two children, and a well paying job. Everyday I wake up and it is the same routine. I get up. Then get the kids ready for school while getting myself ready for work. I drive Stephanie and Will to school on my way to work.
Stephanie and Will are the main reasons why I am still here, not here as with my wife, but here as in living. They bring the chaos to my life that I need to keep it interesting.
I love Ashley, don’t get me wrong, but life with us has become, I don’t know, boring. I have tried to bring that spark back between us but nothing seems to work, so I put my efforts that would go into my marriage into activities with my children. I am so close to the edge it isn’t even funny.
I started going to a psychiatrist to see if I need to be on some medication to help with this depression I seem to be plagued with and all he says I should do is talk with Ashley. No meds to ease the heartache. Maybe I should end all of this suffering.
I need to get away from this life for awhile. I talked to Ashley about taking sometime off of work and me going on the trip I have been planning on taking for awhile now. I told her that it would give me that fresh sense of not being stressed.
Three weeks ago I started planning how to go about my trip across this beautiful state of Oregon. Leaving Portland I went east towards The Dalles. So, this is where I am now, sitting here writing in this damn journal like I have been meaning to for years. I will keep this posted as I get around to it.
April 16th, 2004
So, I decided not to go where I was planning. I am such a spur of the moment kind of guy. I met up with some friends, Todd, his wife Leanne, their friends Daniel, his wife Gabby, and their kid Richard, heading to the Blue Mountains to go camping. I accepted the invitation and left my car in The Dalles. We headed east following the Columbia River to Pendleton, where we stopped for the night. We stayed in the Wild Horse resort and gambled in the casino there.
I called Ashley and talked with her for about an hour while staying about even at the video poker machine I as on. She didn’t have much to say, which made me upset. It felt as if this trip was making me lose my wife, but it was a trip I needed. What in the hell am I supposed to do? This is almost fucking impossible to figure out. I am going to go to sleep.
April 19th, 2004
I know it has been a while but I needed some time to think to myself without the feeling of being burdened, having to write my thoughts in you. The other night I had thoughts of ending my life somehow. The fear of losing Ashley, even though we aren’t like we used to be, scares me to death. I thought I had been right in feeling that I didn’t care any longer. I still love her.
Well on to what today had in store for me. Today was a good day in self discovery. We stopped in this podunk little town called Meacham and left with out gear. This group of five I was with, hiked for a day and set up camp. We stayed there for a day before heading out to a lake in the middle of nowhere.
Todd taught me something I had always wanted to learn. FISHING! This is something entirely new to me. I had no intention of ever having this much fun doing absolutely nothing at all. Just casting a line out into the water and letting the bobber sit in the water, moving with the motion of the water. The sound of the water splashing against the bank ever so gently was very relaxing. This is a place I have to remember. Well for now I am at an unnamed lake and I will sign off again. I must thank you; you are making me think about my life and the directions I want to take it. I am going to call Ashley before I head off to bed.
April 20th, 2004
Ashley and I had a long talk last night about how she was thinking about a trial separation. I wasn’t shocked at all. I told her some of the things that were on my mind since having been gone. I told her how much I loved her and the troubles I had been going through with myself, the thoughts of suicide and the depression, and we decided that when I get back that we needed to actually separate for awhile. My cell gave me that, "I’m dying" beep and I told her I must be going. I’m sorry it had to come to this I told her. It almost made me cry knowing how hurt she is from all this.
Our little excursion up into these mountains is coming to an end. I am ready to head back towards home, but not ready to go home yet. This trip has brought new insight into how I am failing in marriage and as a father. This is tiring me.
April 23rd, 2004
Home at last! Well at least in Portland. I will head home tomorrow after I get up. I need to go to my father’s grave and it’s too late to do it now. There are some things I must things I must talk with him about. .
There’s something about being caught in slow moving traffic for two hours on the Freeway that just pisses me off. This is me venting off some of the pent up anger. If I learned anything from that damn shrink it is this, "Learn to express yourself in a constructive manner as to not overcome yourself with your emotions." I have tried to call home twice today and no answer either time. Oh well, I’ll see them tomorrow since its Saturday and all.
April 24th, 2004
I made it home in one piece. Stephanie and Will were very happy to see me and hear all about my trip. I got them some souvenirs from Wild Horse on the way back. Ashley greeted me with a half-hearted smile and a barely there hug. I knew this was gonna be awkward.
We talked briefly about what problems we are having. She tells me that I am a workaholic and I tell her that I hate work. I hate working for Craig. He’s an asshole. Ashley won’t talk to me because she is afraid that I’ll react with negativity towards her ideas, I only listen and give input where needed, nothing more, nothing less. It felt good to actually talk to her tonight.
April 29th, 2004
Ashley seems to not care anymore. I am starting to believe that there is something driving us apart. I haven’t been able to put my finger on it yet but I have a feeling that I am getting very close. Could it be that she is cheating on me? Is she just scared of something? I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore? I am so sick and tired of everything that goes on in this house.
My relationship with my Stephanie and Will seems to be getting worse because of all the stress with Ashley and I not really talking and all that shit. It makes me wonder if there is something that she isn’t telling me. I am tired of all the tears that I see from my children, fearing for their mother like she isn’t going to be around much longer. It’s late and I have an early start in the morning.
April 30th, 2004
Marsha, Ashley’s best friend came into work and said something very odd to me as if I knew what was up with Ashley. She mentioned something about Hank. I came home only to find that Ashley had taken the kids to her moms a few hours early. I tried calling her only to get her voice mail. I am afraid something’s wrong with her. I am going to cut it here, I am stressing out to badly to think about anything.
May 1st, 2004
I’m leaving Ashley. We talked about what Marsha had to say yesterday and I decided that it was for the better to leave. I don’t care about losing my job at the firm or that her parents bad mouthing me to my kids. I just need to do what is best for Jack Marson. A wise woman once told me, "The key to happiness is not worrying about making others happy until find happy yourself." This is going to be my last journal entry for awhile, for I feel that you have helped me accomplish something.
Good-bye journal.
The Hunt...
The crisp cool afternoon air felt good gently blowing through the pines and firs I was surrounded in. I had been sitting in this tree stand for nearly 10 hours, calling and waiting for the right animal. I reeked of Elk urine and of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had just eaten.
I heard some rustling off to my right about a hundred yards or so. Getting an arrow knocked as quietly as possible as I take a few breathes to calm myself I watched yet another hunter come through the trees. Hidden away in my tree stand I grabbed my bugle and let off a massive call with a few grunts. The hunter grabbed quickly for a call to respond to my toying. All wide eyed he blew to his hearts content staring off into my direction. With my call I blew again trying not to laugh. There were a few minutes of silence when I heard something off to my left. I was getting pissed with all of the foot traffic that had been coming through this once hidden little hunting get away of mine.
At first all I saw were antlers coming out of the trees. My heart started to race as my eyes widened. I had to sit back in the chair of the tree stand and process what I had just seen. There were about 50 yards of trees between this massive bull and the hunter to my right.
His head peering out of the trees he grunted at the calls he had heard only minutes earlier. I had a call in my mouth and grunted back at this massive animal. He took another step out of the trees towards me and I decided it was time to get ready to fire off a shot. I pulled back on the string of my bow and held it for the perfect shot. Just a few more steps were all I was waiting for. This is what I had been waiting for all day.
He was still facing me when he took another step towards me. I heard the sound of a bow as it released an arrow and saw the reaction of the animal I had been stalking from my tree stand as he was pierced by the arrow of the other hunter.
Sadly, I decided it was time to take down my stand and head home. As I walked through the meadow I had watched all day, the other hunter asked where I had come from. I just hung my head and pointed at the tree and held out my stand.
I heard some rustling off to my right about a hundred yards or so. Getting an arrow knocked as quietly as possible as I take a few breathes to calm myself I watched yet another hunter come through the trees. Hidden away in my tree stand I grabbed my bugle and let off a massive call with a few grunts. The hunter grabbed quickly for a call to respond to my toying. All wide eyed he blew to his hearts content staring off into my direction. With my call I blew again trying not to laugh. There were a few minutes of silence when I heard something off to my left. I was getting pissed with all of the foot traffic that had been coming through this once hidden little hunting get away of mine.
At first all I saw were antlers coming out of the trees. My heart started to race as my eyes widened. I had to sit back in the chair of the tree stand and process what I had just seen. There were about 50 yards of trees between this massive bull and the hunter to my right.
His head peering out of the trees he grunted at the calls he had heard only minutes earlier. I had a call in my mouth and grunted back at this massive animal. He took another step out of the trees towards me and I decided it was time to get ready to fire off a shot. I pulled back on the string of my bow and held it for the perfect shot. Just a few more steps were all I was waiting for. This is what I had been waiting for all day.
He was still facing me when he took another step towards me. I heard the sound of a bow as it released an arrow and saw the reaction of the animal I had been stalking from my tree stand as he was pierced by the arrow of the other hunter.
Sadly, I decided it was time to take down my stand and head home. As I walked through the meadow I had watched all day, the other hunter asked where I had come from. I just hung my head and pointed at the tree and held out my stand.
Stuff 1
The Stranger
Banking as i turn towards something outside my reach.
Its a deep dark secret that i hide from myself amongst all my thoughts.
It hides just beyond my grasp learking, stalking me as i feel like somethings watching.
Not aware of its existance, I'm not here. I'm no where.
Beyond the borders of my mind I am lost with no return observing from the outside in.
I am a stranger to myself
Dawn
Deep into the dark of the night i fight the coming dawn
knowing what is ahead trying to forget what is behind
I struggle to forget all things dying around me and push forward.
Beauty comes at dawn and the ugly is forgotten from the night past.
Eyes blinded by what I am looking for.
Looking at what i want without knowing its there
I am clouded by dark clouds on this new dawning day.
Quote to live by!
Today is the start of the rest of my life. Last night I realized alot of things that need to happen in my life. I am by no means a perfect man. I know I have made mistakes along the way, but part of living life is making mistakes and being big enough of a person to learn from those mistakes and better yourself. I see quite a few mistakes and I am taking notes as of where i screwed up and how I can better myself from them. It is quite rejuvenating to see myself in this light.
I just want to make sure I am doing what I need to do inorder to be where I want to be. Life leads us down some weird paths. We normally find ourselves wondering what in the hell is going on when things don't go our way when we should just keep on keeping on.
As a great movie once said, "Life's a garden, DIG IT!" This is something that I am not trying to take to heart. I know things weren't always as easy as I would have liked, but they have made me the wonderful young man that I am today.
I just want to make sure I am doing what I need to do inorder to be where I want to be. Life leads us down some weird paths. We normally find ourselves wondering what in the hell is going on when things don't go our way when we should just keep on keeping on.
As a great movie once said, "Life's a garden, DIG IT!" This is something that I am not trying to take to heart. I know things weren't always as easy as I would have liked, but they have made me the wonderful young man that I am today.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The way of the world
I have recently discovered that in time things in my life change except the things I really want to change. Is this the way most things are? Life is just a mess of ups and downs as we follow the way of the world. I cannot describe how it works and I dont think anyone ever can. People praise all sorts of gods and I have followed one or two truely as one should and have had nothing but disappointment in my life. I am not putting down anyones beliefs, this is just how I feel.
Life is a tough cookie to crack. I am good at alot of things within life but part of me feels failings towards life as a whole. I dont feel I am on the path I am supposed to be and I cannot find the path. I know what I want to do in life and I know what will make me happy but will that fix my empty feelings of being lost? Meh. I will figure it all out soon enough.
Life is a tough cookie to crack. I am good at alot of things within life but part of me feels failings towards life as a whole. I dont feel I am on the path I am supposed to be and I cannot find the path. I know what I want to do in life and I know what will make me happy but will that fix my empty feelings of being lost? Meh. I will figure it all out soon enough.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
For my troubles
Everytime I seem to get ahead in life something comes and knocks me badk on my ass. Yestarday after i got home from a friends house I had been notified that I have been served papers. I am being sued for 250,000 for an accident that was over 3 years ago. I am kind of pissed off about the whole thing. I don't know what is the matter with people these days. I don't think i would have done the same thing in her shoes.
I am trying to get ahold of my Insurance company as they have told me that I have to get ahold of them if I ever get served like I have. This is a huge ordeal because I do not have the paper that has the name of the contact or the number to call. UGH!!
FML
I am trying to get ahold of my Insurance company as they have told me that I have to get ahold of them if I ever get served like I have. This is a huge ordeal because I do not have the paper that has the name of the contact or the number to call. UGH!!
FML
Monday, April 5, 2010
Your my friend?
Friends are those who you let into your life along your journey that are supposed to lift you up as you are them. Some are wolves in sheeps clothing only there for themselves. I have recently seen how one 'friend' wasn't as such. It is as if there are intentional attempts at hurting my feelings. It is actually hard at hurting my feelings. I get pissed off when I realize these attempts at bringing me down.
I got something in email that was....yeah....and it was sent because I have apparently wondered about something for quite awhile. I just need to get out that if people read this and that is your intentions with me, please save yourself the time. I am not one to hurt. You'll normally just piss me off and I'll stop talking to you and for those who aren't around for that reason, I LOVE YOU!!!
I got something in email that was....yeah....and it was sent because I have apparently wondered about something for quite awhile. I just need to get out that if people read this and that is your intentions with me, please save yourself the time. I am not one to hurt. You'll normally just piss me off and I'll stop talking to you and for those who aren't around for that reason, I LOVE YOU!!!
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